Why I bothered to keep coming back is a mystery to me. It hurts to be a fool in this game of nonsense. I've said to myself countless times that I no longer care, will no longer keep in touch but every time, my promises get broken one by one. I am sick and tired of getting my hopes up one minute, and diving headlong with blunt sorrow the next. I want to be free from this bondage of memories, of regrets, of words unsaid. I can't let you forever be the question that will leave me hanging without an answer.
But how can I let go when every so often my mind wanders and thinks of you? You were the one I wanted in the past and still you are now. I know it's a lost case to have you, to hear that you once loved me as much as I did, and still do. In the smallest part of my heart where a ray of logic exists, I know this is all a lie. But how it hurts me to realize this truth. I keep shutting if off from my notice but on nights like this when reason gets the best of me, the truth becomes glaringly visible. Pain comes crashing down on me like a tidal wave and in this misery, I'm drowning in infinite brokenness.
"I'm about to lose my mind.... Call a doctor. I need a doctor."