INFINITE BROKENNESS

Why I bothered to keep coming back is a mystery to me. It hurts to be a fool in this game of nonsense. I've said to myself countless times that I no longer care, will no longer keep in touch but every time, my promises get broken one by one. I am sick and tired of getting my hopes up one minute, and diving headlong with blunt sorrow the next. I want to be free from this bondage of memories, of regrets, of words unsaid. I can't let you forever be the question that will leave me hanging without an answer.

But how can I let go when every so often my mind wanders and thinks of you? You were the one I wanted in the past and still you are now. I know it's a lost case to have you, to hear that you once loved me as much as I did, and still do. In the smallest part of my heart where a ray of logic exists, I know this is all a lie. But how it hurts me to realize this truth. I keep shutting if off from my notice but on nights like this when reason gets the best of me, the truth becomes glaringly visible. Pain comes crashing down on me like a tidal wave and in this misery, I'm drowning in infinite brokenness.

"I'm about to lose my mind.... Call a doctor. I need a doctor."

XO,

Miss E

I PASSED! I'M NOW AN RN!

After countless false alarms as to when the exact date of release would be, FINALLY, YES, FINALLY IT HAS COME! I will never ever forget the day I found my name in the new rooster of registered nurses! That examination was the hardest I ever took. I was so depressed for ages and the outcome of the results haunted me for days and nights on end. I am forever grateful that God has heard my pleas of help. Dear God, You are THE BEST! I am humbled by this blessing. I love you! I love you! I really really LOVE YOU!

I'd like to share a few reflections but right now, all I can ever put down to words are this:

And in this moment... I finally feel infinite.

XO,

Miss E, R.N.

CLEAN-UP GOOD ON V-DAY

What is this I smell? *sniff, sniff* Aaah.. LOVE. It's the 14th of February already! Whether you're single, in-a-relationship, it's-complicated and married, you have to admit that you had it bad with the February love bug. It's amazing how this annual event unmasks a person's inner self and begs to express itself in flowers, chocolates, cards and love letters, yes, old-school it may be but never has it died in the passing of the years.

I believe that Love is the true essence of Life. It's not to say that this can only be found in the arms of romance. Love takes varied forms and even in simplest details.

They say that those who are in love are the happiest. I couldn't agree more! So forget about the bastard who broke your heart, or that date that never made it to your calendar or all the pain you once mourned. Drink in the love from your friends, family and all the small things that make you smile. Soon, you'll realize that this February, it can be all about you and nothing else would have mattered.

Anyway, I discovered this online site, Polyvore and thought that on an occasion such as this, I should be wearing this kind of outfit (Given that I have them resting in my closet) on a dinner date with my girlies. Nothing too fancy, just keeping myself warm in the cold breeze (because I imagined I'd be spending the Valentine's Day in New York or say, London). The dress is not even that impressive, in my opinion, but I adore its color and design. It has to stay.

I actually love this look just because I have two items up in the picture - the leather jacket and the Alexander McQueen black booties. They're not the original, just faux fashion finds. I thrifted the shoes for Php150.00 and the leather jacket was gifted to me by my brother.

Best buys, if you'd ask me! :) :) :)

Here's hoping every one is a Happy Valentine today! ♥

XO,

Miss E

RETAIL THERAPY

(Purple suede pumps with low kitten heels, mocha zipper-embellished booties and black booties)

New shoes! Who wouldn't love them? I sure do! I don't know if any girl resonates but when I'm feeling extremely low, shopping is the ultimate pick-me-upper!

I don't have much money seeing as I am no longer getting monthly allowance from school, but because I worked albeit a short while as a Call Center Agent, I have money to spare alright. Oh btw, I finally decided to quit and hand in my resignation letter. To get all the queries out of the way, let's just say I think it was for the best - both for my health and self-esteem.

Anyway, my good friend Nerika and I decided to try a business venture together. We thought of selling thrifted finds online. However, that supposedly strict business shopping turned to self-indulgence. We couldn't let go of our fabulous buys as I'm sure you would had you been in our shoes. :) :) :)

I'm absolutely in love with my booties and pumps. I just couldn't wait to get my feet on them sometime soon.

Aside from shoes, we found pretty vintage bags as well! I haven't got a Valentine this 14th but this sure makes up for all the lovin'! This is a faux Chanel chain bag. I love its chains and the vintage-y feel of it.

So stoked. ♥

I also bought another lovely faded purple snakeskin bag. You'll see the pictures down below. I equally love it as it comes in my favorite color, purple. The details are perfect and can be worn from day to night.

We shopped for clothes too. I got some vintage collared-tops, maxi dress (really!), floral high-waist shorts (super love love love!), Mossimo striped micro shorts, cardigan and see-through (not sheer, so sad) longsleeves. I couldn't show them now. Probably some other time then. I'm inching to get some outfit posts up but I haven't got a photographer. My sisters are currently swamped with school work and I haven't got a tripod. Boooo!

What I've been up to lately? Well, I'm applying online as an article writer but I haven't heard a word from my employer just yet.

Okay, now you'll see the other bag.

Funny how every phone call, text message, tweet, Personal Message (PM), Direct Message (DM) and email seem inconsequential when you're impatiently waiting to hear from one that really matters. Yes, I'm still talking about the job application thing. Nothing to do with the approaching V-day on the 14th. Haa! :D

On another note, rumors about the impending release of the NLE results are going off the roof! I read posts from batchmates in Facebook and Twitter pages regarding the varying release dates, not to mention the building anxiety every one is feeling and if not, well, contracting from the contagious play of emotions. I still try to keep my cool because if I wouldn't, I'd succumb to my nasty habit of breaking down in torrential rain of tears.

I fervently pray that I made it in God's list of passers. In my heart of hearts, I know I passed. I will continue believing it 'til the day comes when it all becomes genuine.

Happy week to everyone!

XO,

Miss E