Tonight, I met a team of the most brilliant doctors in the city. I swear I have fallen in love ten times over! Something about a man's beautiful mind just pulls my heart. Oh, to love and be loved by such a man! Heavenly!
So how I do I comfort myself when I'm down with the blues? By listening to God's words, of course!
I'm not ashamed to admit my eyes watered listening to these songs. I am nowhere near getting everything crystal clear and at every turn, I balk and run. But I will remain steadfast and keep the faith alive.
Hello, cyperspace! I am back from the long haul of total websent and okay, Post-Harry Potter depression too. I think I've recovered, thank you very much. Since my last blogpost, my life spun out of control. I've been busy but to be honest, not really busy enough to tear myself from the internet. I was just lazy and figured my writing skills are a bit rusty as of the moment. But tonight and for days now, I have been toying with a few thoughts in my head. First off...
I finally landed my big butt on a job! From all the endless CV prints, transcript photocopies and folder buying, an employer saw a potential in me and took me under his wing. I was offered a job in a Pharmaceutical company and to be frank, I was not over the moon about it. I was desperate to be accepted in a hospital seeing that as a novice nurse I still have a lot to learn. However, I was frustrated because I did not hear from them and desperately wanted to make something out of my life, so I jumped to my only chance. As the training ensued, I was more and more convinced that this life (Medical Representative) is not for me too. But there were days when I began to love it. I thought that since I was waiting for other offers, why not take a leap of faith in this one? I want to grow and learn the ways of the world. What better way to achieve that than by venturing into foreign ground?
So I signed the contract for a 6 month-long on probation. Need I emphasize that I was on my own here? Yes, I had friends in the initial days but they gave up and quit. I wanted to follow suit but does that make me a better adult? I made the conscious effort of signing a contract, agreed to its terms and conditions and money has been shelled out for me. In the past, I made the mistake of entering lightly into a job I despised shortly after being hired and quit without so much as giving it a try. Then I realized that this is no longer a child's play. I should honor my commitments, think beyond me and look at the larger picture. Even though I am scared in living on own in a new place, away from my home and my family and friends, I am welcoming the change. As my favorite quote goes, "Courage is not the absence of fear but rather the judgment that something is more important than fear." The reality that this is life outside school is smarting and depressing at best but what can I do? I refuse to bow down and be called a weakling. True, there are things I easily give up on but in the name of growing up, I will take the challenge and fight like a brave soldier I thought I was.
So... perhaps a thousand candles will do for my poor soul this time.
ERR, WORK-RELATED TOO
Remember me saying I applied to hospitals too? Well, hurray to perfect timing, I got a call. To be precise, I missed their call and my friend told me that it was the HR Dept of Madonna and Child Hospital calling so I begged my sister to call them as I was rooted in the middle of my week-long Medrep training. During my scheduled exam, I babbled to my boss how I had to skip lunch and take my youngest sister to the doctor. I rushed to the hospital to take the exam and felt sure of myself that I had aced it. It was an easy aptitude exam centered mainly in English synonyms, antonyms, idioms and grammar and the Math, goooosh, I'm not one to brag but let me just say, I am so sure of each and every answer except perhaps those I have not been able to. It was that easy. I don't claim that I perfected it but I think I did pretty good.
I got a call on a Sunday afterwards. It was to inform me that I got accepted in their Orientee program and I was to start on the following Tuesday. I was ecstatic! Finally, my life was moving in a familiar direction. Although at the time I was having second thoughts. It was not easy to forget that I was in the middle of my product training as medical representative and of course, there was the issue of money. It goes without saying that if I train as nurse here in the Philippines, I would not get paid, or perhaps I will but just the bare minimum whereas if I become a PMR (Professional Medical Representative) I will earn a tad higher and I will be able to provide for my family.
In the end, I decided to keep the PMR at bay and quit after I have gone to my first orientation in Madonna. And as the protocol was laid in the table, I was increasingly aware that I did not want it too. How can I when they will not issue a work certificate if an employee walk out on them in less than 2 years? They knew nurses' sole purpose is to get that much coveted work certificate and they are holding it tightly in their hands like a iron fist. I did not want to be tied for two years! Just thinking about it is unbearable enough let alone get through it.
I never came back the day after. Oh, I did, yes but not back to the hospital to use my license to good use but to meet doctors in their respective clinics as a new member of PharmAsia-Cuvest.
Well, so much for my nursing stint.
After weighing things, I decided to give this PMR a shot. No, not for the car. I am at a loss at driving! But really, I thought I will have to face this challenge headlong. I am grateful that I am busy and I won't have to while away the time in front of the computer, stalking Facebook friends over their new lives, wonderful careers and getting more and more depressed by the minute. I loved that life but now, now's the time to change and let the others do the stalking! Haha!
Honestly, I am not happy happy. But walking along the streets of Iligan, breathing the air and drinking in my new environment, I find solace and something akin to happiness. I survive being on my own this far and I can do it. If I need friends, I know I have the truest ones of them at my beck and call back home.
I've learned the hard fact that I am in this alone. I can't trust anyone but myself. That although I have friends, they too need to lead their own lives, to chase after their own dreams and occasionally, to be away from me as I to them just so we can grow up. I promise myself that I will not get in the way of it. This is the part where sadness creeps in and I just want to bawl my eyes out but I am made of stronger fiber and I know I can do it.
There lies a feeling of dread for uncertainty and sometimes I get caught up with my musings about my far-reaching dreams, why my life is like this, why I'm not unraveling a success story here and now that I have earned an education, where's the good life that follows? But I will trust in the Lord and I know He will not falter me.