Just came from a fun night with high school friends. I miss them already! I know this city is too small and people are bound to see each other but these people? My high school people? It's just not the same being together like this. Sure, we'll bump into each other in the malls, streets or even in jeepneys but the bond that connects us as a group will never be as it was when we were thrown into a one place.
I hate the feeling of being unable to let go. Last night's stories and catching up were a testament to how comfortable we are to each other. After all, hadn't we bared our heart and soul and entrusted our deepest, darkest secrets to these strangers years ago during our retreats? I know that whatever happens, we have each other.
And yes, to YOU I sorely missed all through these years, it breaks my heart to wait another half a decade to be in the same room with you. I confess, seeing you again caught me off guard. It's unnerving to find how strongly a teenage infatuation could span the years spent apart. Or is it the alcohol to blame? I miss you already. A friend told me that this girl in your life right now is just a chapter in your unfinished book. I used to think that maybe, some day when we meet again, I'll put a happy ending to this tale.
But you spoke to me and those words blew the chances I had reserved for that story. Now I realized I was delusional then. You probably don't know it but sometimes you boys throw words meaninglessly and with such careless regard that girls, teenaged and easily won over believe them even when these words are in the least bit the truth. Call it smooth talking or just making pa-cute but please spare me the nonsense. I am no longer the girl head-over-heels in love with love and with you. I can take the truth any day. I am made of stronger fiber than you think.
I know I contradict myself when I say I miss you now but probably, this will pass in time. I wish you the best. I hope next time I can look you in the eye and not feel a thing. But for now, I am in half-rage about this realization and half-regret that you were never the boy I used to be mad about and I will never be the girl of yours. I take comfort in the fact that after all these months of relapsing and falling back into this shame of sheer madness, I am on my way to finding acceptance.
But you spoke to me and those words blew the chances I had reserved for that story. Now I realized I was delusional then. You probably don't know it but sometimes you boys throw words meaninglessly and with such careless regard that girls, teenaged and easily won over believe them even when these words are in the least bit the truth. Call it smooth talking or just making pa-cute but please spare me the nonsense. I am no longer the girl head-over-heels in love with love and with you. I can take the truth any day. I am made of stronger fiber than you think.
I know I contradict myself when I say I miss you now but probably, this will pass in time. I wish you the best. I hope next time I can look you in the eye and not feel a thing. But for now, I am in half-rage about this realization and half-regret that you were never the boy I used to be mad about and I will never be the girl of yours. I take comfort in the fact that after all these months of relapsing and falling back into this shame of sheer madness, I am on my way to finding acceptance.
But over-all, I will miss you my high school loves. I second Jason when he said, "I've met most of the BEST people in high school. :)"
4-Daniel Class of 2006, YOU ARE THE BEST PEOPLE I HAVE MET.
XO,
Miss E
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