There's danger in wanting to know the truth. It might not turn out exactly what one wanted to hear. And there is no turning back to not knowing what was already been told. :(
I truly did not relish the fact that everything was a big game. Just a web of lies spun by a master. How I wish I had seen it all coming. I would have exchanged the truth for the lie any day. But I realize, if I hadn't faced the reality, would I allow myself to walk this earth gullible to what was happening? I certainly don't think so. At least I am spared from pining on a hopeless case, from dreaming of what-could-have-beens and from holding on to something that wasn't there to begin with.
He was my first love. He turned many of my frowns into heaps of laughter. He was my Prom Dream. He was sitting inches beside me, within my reach ... but never was I within his heart. Yes, it pains me a lot like you couldn't imagine. Even writing this down is no mean feat. I'm using every ounce of self control not to break down in front of DELL and bawl like a baby. Like I so wanted to. So I'm pretending, taking every shattered piece of my heart in stride, faking a smile, forcing a laugh and trying to see the light in this dark of a situation.
I couldn't deny that my ego is bruised. Apparently, I led myself to believe there was a tiny bit of admiration coming from him when there was actually none. I hate to admit that I was in the wrong. I did not read the signs too well. I failed. Miserably.
However, it's time to set myself free from this bondage that has slaved me all these years. I take my heart back and can only hope that someone in the end deserves it.
The days will be long. The nights will be punctuated with gloom. But I will get through it all. No matter how hard it seems, I will come out strong. My only revenge is to see his regrets. 'Cos she may be lucky to have him but the guy who'll have me is luckier. And he can wish on every falling star he sees, but I would no longer be his dream-come-true.
I guess all I have left to say now is... GOODBYE.